jobs plan drinking game

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The Definition of Insanity

An earthquake and hurricane hit the East Coast. Another hits the LA area. It appears that the war in Libya is nearing its end. The Arab Spring is rapidly becoming the rise of Al Qaida. Shootings seem to be becoming more and more common in our big cities, and copper thieves are plaguing more and more areas across the nation.

And what was the big headline in the news last week?

President Obama moved his big jobs speech from Tuesday to Thursday.

The primary reaction brought on by this story was, "Who gives a damn?" And yet, as the 24-hour news cycle tends to do, the story perpetuated itself until it became

So while all of America was thinking "What's the big f-ing deal?", the news media and the pundits were either capering on about what a bastard John Boehner was for asking the President to re-schedule his speech, or talking about how weak President Obama was for caving to the Republican leader's "demand" that the speech be moved so it doesn't conflict with the previously-scheduled Republican presidential debate.

Truth is, Boehner's request that the president move his speech listed several legitimate reasons, none of which had anything to do with the GOP debate, and the president had a fairly legitimate reason to want to jump in with both feet as soon as Congress returned from their August recess and he returned from his vacation.

This wasn't a political issue, and it wasn't a big deal. If anyone was to blame for job speech-gate, it was whoever let the media in on the "issue" before Speaker Boehner and President Obama decided when would be the best day for the speech. It was a bit amusing, however, to listen to the Leftist pundits talk about what an a**hole Boehner was for being so childish, and the Right-wing pundits talk about the "victory" of making Obama "back down" and move the speech.

The real issue was ignored until it absolutely had to be addressed. The real issue is jobs. This is the issue that President Obama plans to speak on next week, and this is the issue which is primarily responsible for America's continued economic stagnation.

It's all well and good to pit President Obama vs. Speaker Boehner - the two do make a nice little political "battle of the wills," but when it gets right down to it, the real question is, what is best for America?

We've already seen President Obama's plan for job creation, and judging from the trial balloons the administration has floated over the past month or so, we shouldn't really expect anything new from President Obama in his speech on Thursday. The administration keeps on throwing out the same old things: another stimulus package, QE3, piling bad ideas on top of bad ideas, hoping that somehow, they'll catch a break and something will change.

The word is that President Obama will propose another $300 billion stimulus package ' it's supposedly set to be a mix of tax cuts and spending, but as yet there has been no word as to how much will be tax cuts, and how much will be spending. Of course, we all know how well President Obama's last stimulus package worked...but I'm sure he'll get it right this time around ' spending money we don't have has put our nation is such a great position, I'm sure it will be all sunshine and lollipops from here on.

The latest crisis to rock Speech-Gate is the Republicans' refusal to give a rebuttal speech immediately following President Obama's address. According to Nancy Pelosi, the Republicans' refusal to play the same old games is an affront to our entire political system and "speak[s] volumes about their lack of commitment to creating jobs." Of course, any thinking person who has been paying the slightest bit of attention over the past several months can easily see that Pelosi's allegations are ridiculous ' the GOP has put out numerous plans and suggestions to grow our economy and create jobs ' all of which have been derided and/or ignored by the Democrats. The fact that the Republicans are refusing to give the traditional rebuttal, and that several are refusing to attend the speech altogether, gives me some hope ' when the politicians start getting tired of the politics in Washington, this is a good thing.

Our economy crawled kicking and screaming out of the recession, but now we're facing lingering economic stagnation. The stimulus didn't work. Shovel-ready was a lie. Employment and economic growth have stalled.

So as we look forward to the grand unveiling of yet another plan by President Obama that will inevitably fail, I propose the following drinking game to at least give the president's speech some entertainment value. Because modern politicians never say what they mean, I have included the key newspeak terminology, so you can know exactly what to listen for.

  • If President Obama blames Bush for our economic problems, take a sip (newspeak: "failed policies of the past," "my predecessor").
  • If he blames some other factor, take a drink (newspeak: "tornados," "hurricanes," "earthquakes," "locusts," "economic headwinds").
  • If he blames Congress, finish your drink (newspeak: "Republican bastards," "politics as usual").
  • If he blames the Tea Party, finish your drink (newspeak: "tea-bagging biggoted racist hate mongers").
  • If he blames his own policies, drink until you pass out - you're obviously hallucinating.
  • If he proposes spending money our government doesn't have, do a shot (newspeak: "invest," "shovel-ready," "stimulus").
  • If he proposes meaningful budget cuts, do three shots (there is no newspeak for this - it has never happened, and it very likely won't during this or any other of President Obama's speeches).
  • If you start thinking the President's plan might actually work, stop drinking and put the booze away - you have had way too much to drink.

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Updated May 22, 2018 6:39 PM UTC | More details


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