Columns

Big Feast at Tiffanys 4

Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich
Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich, born Newton Leroy McPherson; June 17, 1943, is an American politician, author, and political consultant who served as the 58th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives from 1995 to 1999. He represented Georgia's 6th congressional district as a Republican from 1979 until his resignation in 1999. | Newt Gingrich, Republican, Presidential Candidate,

Fib Newtons Gilded Age Redux

It's at times like ours that would pray that Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain's death had, indeed, been greatly exaggerated; I'd simply turn over my thusly honored keyboard and raptly watch his splendid spleen vent comedic calumny upon our 'favorite' crumbling cookie du jour, Newton GingRICH. Thankfully, he has left us a universally applicable trove of such ready-made commentary, based upon the homespun wisdom font that he was, and remains: What is the chief end of man-- in whatever way we can, dishonestly if we can; honestly, if we must.
You may decide which choice Mr. GingRICH has made, politics, or honesty.

Something tells this commentator that said politician was never into the Beatles, but he ought to at the very least invest in some personalized bling for reverse psychological retort value, simply yet tastefully worn around his neck, outside his clothing-- think Flave-O-Flave's clock-- inscribed with John Lennon's pointed remarks at the Royal Variety Performance back when Newt was just a teen back in Pennsylvania's hinterland: "...would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands, and the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry."

Perhaps it's all a big misunderstanding; let's say your 'hat trick' of a conjugal mate bears the noble name Calista, from the Greek Kallisto, 'she that is most beautiful' (remember, this is purely hypothetical-- see actual photo), and she rightly requires gold to, say, rival her Greek hero, King Midas. What's a country boy to do? Newt's giving heart, rooted in those Currier & Ives Xmas memories (ok, leaning heavily toward the Dickens Ebeneezer Scrooge edition of those prints) leaves him no other course than to chart one for the Greek Isles, invoking the memorable mantra of Nixonius of Calumnus: 'Do as we say, not as we do'.

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Updated Aug 12, 2017 12:17 PM EDT | More details

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