The Left

Ten Lists I Hope to Make

Larry Fine
Larry Fine
Louis Feinberg (October 5, 1902 – January 24, 1975), known professionally as Larry Fine, was an American comedian, actor, violinist, and boxer, who is best known as the smartest member of the comedy act The Three Stooges. | Photo: | Larry Fine, The Three Stooges, Comedy, Da Vinci,

He bears future watching if he ever becomes somebody

For years I have been what I felt was like a lone and despised voice in the wilderness condemning the Patriot Act for what it is, and nobody listened, until now when the massive and illegal phone surveillance eavesdropping was revealed, which I said was happening for years.

The government is justifying it saying they're making you safer in this repeat of the Nazi Emergency Powers Decree clearing the path for dictatorship of 1933.

I'm not going to say I told you so. That would be too boorish and obvious.

I will however reiterate a pledge I made years ago and still hold. I intend to devote the rest of my life to oppose in any way I can the turning of this country into a corporate fascist empire. Anything I can do, even small and petty, to gum up the works, throw a wrench in the machinery, rain on their parade, be a naysayer, a troublemaker, I will do.

They better add me to a growing compilation of "Troublemakers Lists."

They, the government, who say they have your best interest at heart because they're taking your rights away to make you and I safer, don't like it that you found out about their secret program. Now they have to go to the trouble to convince you it's all okay. That means they have to sell it, expend effort. Believe me, the guy who leaked this program is going to have to pay.

The government gets angry when you stumble upon what they're up to. They seek revenge. Then they expand the surveillance.

They're bugging your phone, studying your finances, reading your Google searches, sifting through your soup. They already have me on a secret "Trouble Makers List," one that no doubt says I am, "An obscure crackpot," but one who bears watching because of his radical views.

This is a great compliment to me.

I realize they're huge, and I'm tiny, only one person. My attempts to oppose the conglomerate colossus police state could be seen as even pathetic. But what if I'm millions? That's when they, the government, start to sweat. They get angry. They send a drone over your house.

You think I'm a crackpot? They do. But if you had a similar opinion of me, that was perhaps before you knew they were compiling a list of your phone calls.

I now have a desire to make more government trouble makers lists. They know, for example, from spying on me, that I occasionally view an adults-only website, some might call this "porno." This will get me on a "Dirty Old Man" List. That's unfair. I'm not dirty. I take two showers a day. I just love the symmetry and God-given beauty of the female form. I enjoy looking at a beautiful woman just like I do beautiful art, and if it's not in anyway abusive but is admiring and complimentary---what's wrong with that?

Put me on your damn list and note that even though I'm largely unknown---I bear future watching.

Another government list I hope to make is the "Phones Foreign Countries" List. I can do this by placing a call to France for no apparent reason. The government bugger, a little puny dweeb who sits in a room all by himself in a government skyscraper and doesn't even have a girlfriend will add my name. "He called France." He'll add a note about me. "Called France." Why? The French never support us in our wars. This guy (Me) must be disloyal.

"He bears future watching if he ever becomes somebody important."

In red notation next to these comments will read "Dangerous Radical."

Yet another list compiled with my name on it will be a "Three Stooges Watcher List." They find out from my Google searches that I love to watch the Three Stooges. This could be construed by the government eavesdroppers that I'm a person who supports and enjoys slapping, head bonking and nose crunching, but also mindless chaos.

"Subject shows a tendency for anti-authority as reflected in the Stooges comedies," the eavesdropping interloper writes. "He bears future watching."

Other government spying lists I might be included on as a disloyal subversive include the "He Likes the Color Pink List." They could construe from this I have an empathy for communism, though it's only because I love flamingos.

Or the "Takes Really Long Showers" List. This could demonstrate to them that I'm secretly decoding messages from unfriendly countries in my bathroom, when in reality the warm water generates a blood rush that enables me frequently to come up with ideas for stories----like this one. Since I'm critical of the American Empire Government, I guess they could say that's disloyal----disloyal to them.

Disloyalty to wrong is not disloyal.

Another list to which my name could be added would be the, "He Doesn't Buy Our Bullsh't" List, in that I have naturally been mistrustful of government ever since Watergate, which might beg the question to them, one that in their ineptitude they have never pondered.

Why have they never thought up a, "What Have We Ever Done to Gain His Trust" List?

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Updated Aug 12, 2017 12:08 PM EDT | More details

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