The Left

Senate to Be Fenced In?

Immigration law reaction
Immigration law reaction
Jose Machado, a student of Nicaraguan descent living in the Miami area, reacts Friday during President Obama's announcement on the new U.S. immigration law. | Photo: Roberto Koltun, Miami Herald via AP | Immigration Law, Barack Obama, Nicaragua, Flag, Alien,

House proposes controversial plan to stop immigration bill.

Yesterday, the United States Senate made history by passing a comprehensive immigration reform bill. Under the proposed law, illegal immigrants will now be given a pathway to citizenship, a pathway that will include barbed wire, land mines, reciting the alphabet backwards while standing on one foot, killing Jaime Lannister, and paying off trolls lurking underneath a bridge.

The bill also calls for a tightening of the U.S.-Mexican border. 50,000 troops will be sent to Texas and Arizona to control the insanity. Another 200 will be sent to the border.

In the the South Wing of the Capitol Building, the GOP-controlled House has introduced a bill that will prevent the Senate from sending over its immigration bill. House Bill 4743, sponsored by Rep. Louis Gohmert (Nut-TX) and Rep. Steve King (Crazy-IA) calls for a 1000-foot electrified fence to be built around the North Wing of the Capitol and the posting of 500 National Guardsmen to prevent any legislation from entering the House.

Rep. Gohmert, speaking to reporters on the steps of the Capitol, said such measures were necessary and long overdue. "Y'all need to listen up," Gohmert drawled. "I got nothing but respect for the Senate, but when a flood of bad legislation crosses over into our territory, we can either round up all these bad bills and send them back to where they came from, or we can stop them right at the South Wing Gift Shop."

"Now, let us be clear," chimed in Rep. King, "we believe that there is a pathway for some of these bills to get through. If they are written in English, that's a big plus. If they have no criminal record or have never trafficked in drugs, we will also take that into consideration. But we will never allow bills to enter this chamber if they are only coming here to take advantage of our generous ink and paper supplies, not to mention our state-of-the-art copiers."

Gohmert expounded. "We also want to curtail the illegal practice that produces the so-called 'anchor baby bill.' If a bill gets even one paragraph past the House Appointment Desk, it can then claim full consideration. This practice must stop."

Senator Marco Rubio (Clumsy-FL) who used up a great deal of political capital convincing fellow GOP Senators to pass immigration reform, was fuming. "This House bill is unhelpful and potentially damaging to the party. What about the thousands of bills that have already passed and that now live legally in this country? What will we say to them? Darn it, what will we say to Senate Bill 821?"

Senator John McCain (Old-AZ) did not mince any words as his face turned beet red. "By god, if this so-called fence is built, Senator Graham (Gay-SC) and I will go commando, maybe even naked, and dig underneath it with our own bare hands. We'll track down Gohmert and King and kill them beneath the Rotunda with thousands of malicious paper cuts."

The Senator paused, trying to reign in his anger. "Let me remind you that I was a POW in North Vietnam. Fences cannot stop me. Fences cannot stop progress. Fences can only stop Mexicans."

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Updated May 10, 2017 12:30 PM EDT | More details

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