Tipping culture

Waiting staff, wait staff, or waitstaff are those who work at a restaurant or a bar attending customers, supplying them with food and drink as requested. Traditionally, a male waiting tables is called a waiter and a female a waitress with the gender-neutral version being a server. Hooters has been know to employ sexy waitresses. We have no proof. | Photo: Hooters | Waitress, Waiter, Food, Server, Restaurant, Employee, Sexy, Hooters,

Why is the foreskin of my wallet being grabbed by everyone?

"Tipping is one of the most widely practiced social customs in the United States".

That statement disgusts me to no end. Whenever this inherent expectancy of tipping inserted it's dribbling penis into social customs is a day to lament. As I sit at an overpriced, semi-decadent sushi joint with pals who don't understand the concept of financial savings, I hate nothing more than having to reenact Mr. Pink's scene from Reservoir Dogs to justify my stance on a sickly form of social bullying. People will begrudging compensate for my 'insulting' $1 bill from their own greasy hands, whilst laying the whole spiel regarding how the 'poor employee' makes most of their money from supplementing tips.

Why not take it further then Mr. Trump? How about I openly give them money on the street when I see them due to their dire situation? People become philosophical in the restaurant atmosphere because they have a saturated stomach full of button ribs, a pint of heavy blonde house ale and sugary glazed ice-cream. Not only that, they intrusively inspect your pocket to see how much you will cough up. It has become a societal etiquette of polite mugging, which in the case of poor little Susie, pays for her college tuition. Well, Susie, how about you take a step out into the neo state of Babylon and whore yourself off to the fired libidos of syphilis ridden old-timers instead. Why should I give a shit how they pay for school?

Also, it seems people are a lot more frugal when it comes to the homeless as they suddenly want to ignore the begging party because in all honesty, tipping is usually out of pity. I would much rather go and grab my food directly from the chef, at least I would then receive it on time whilst still glowing with the heat from Pedro's balls. There is also the case of whether or not the food was tasty/adequate, the service was fast or even polite. At a diner the other day, I had a Mexican waitress who looked as if she'd had one too many tastings of the creme brulee in the back of the kitchen. Also, she had an inordinately high skirt on whilst having the face of a deflated, collapsed and creased orangutan's asshole. Not only was the service poor, but she was also leaning in a slovenly manner with her skirt riding up her leg right next to my face...I didn't order the fish, nor did I order any hairy clams. Please, love, keep your acrid vagina away from my face when you're taking my order.

I may be sounding harsh, but professionalism in any job is paramount. If this were a brothel, sure, I'd be accepting of a leveraged leg and a light sticky toffee aroma, but all I wanted was a turkey wheat wrap with avocado, cucumber, tomato and lettuce. Suffice to say, I didn't tip due to the standard of service, the quantity of food and my current status as an unemployed recent college graduate. I have quantified my reasoning from all of these variables, which more people should do.

Tipping is not a prerequisite, nor should anyone prematurely expect it. Tipping is an additive for exceptional service. Going above and beyond. An Army of One...sorry, my mind couldn't help it. Ultimately, If I genuinely felt compelled to tip in all industries, I'd rather tip an honest mechanic, an honest dentist, a helpful school counselor, a competent judge or a competent police officer. But I guess we just tip for simple tasks that we don't expect much from, such as bringing me a glass of water with lemon because if tipping were on the basis of honesty and integrity in real professions, then tipping wouldn't exist at all. As far as the 'friends' who incite their views toward you and attempt to coerce you into tipping, I feel the only real solution in that situation is complete and unbridled apoplexy because justified answers don't make any difference. Hell, start screaming, throw those pointless containers of jam around the room and then shit on the walls. I guarantee that they won't bother you about tipping in the future. Finally, as far as a culture known for electing George W. Bush to presidency over Al Gore, SUV's emitting vast amounts of pollution, obesity, soccer moms and blessing this earth with Rosanne, I feel that tipping should be another one that we should all just turn a blind eye toward and act as if it never existed.

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Updated Aug 12, 2017 12:08 PM EDT | More details


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