Culture

A Day in the Life of...

Edward Snowden
Edward Snowden
Edward Snowden press conference taken by @HRW's @TanyaLokshina in Moscow airport July 12, 2013. | Photo: Tanya Lokshina, HRW | Link | Edward Snowden, Cia, Press, Russia, Press Conference, Leak, Secret, Whistleblower,

Amerika, or, just another Snow(den) day

In last week's episode, just out of the shower, you were last speaking to your broker who'd turned you on to some hot Russian real estate...

You've got another call--'Ciao, got another call' you blurb to your broker; you click on the avatar you assigned to 'Kid's School': "Lockdown?!" a scream, bouncing off a tower nearby, slams off a satellite, and into some assistant principal's ear. You remind yourself of the difference between 'principal' and 'principle', that last one's what makes you sound pissed off at that other same-sounding word for a person, not an idea.

The idea now is to jump behind the wheel of your flex-fueled SUV, which reminds you of that show, 'Law & Order, SVU', that episode about guns in schools, you saw it, multi-tasking--what else--while canceling that LiveStrong bike helmet for your kid. 'Why do I use that word, that's a baby goat, gotta use 'child', focus, what the Hell are you doing thinking about that, now!' you catch yourself yelling at the person who is you in the mirror, except she's left-handed..

Blue lights, flashing, you think how ironic that is, with a K-Mart across the street; you wanted to wear that blue blazer, but it was too tight, no more Frappuccinos.

"Sorry, road's blocked, please turn around" someone with S.W.A.T. in yellow letters says, he seems too calm when he swats aside the question your brain said to use at times like this, usually but not always when you're driving: 'What the Hell?!'

Hell makes you think of that well-dressed fellow at the door, and you, on the phone with your broker, just a towel around you--what must he have thought, or did he sense that you needed redemption, what, just for having only a towel covering you, a really big hotel-sized one you got in Antigua? The towel, it was bright white, and you wonder if his white shirt is even whiter because of some holy water, how dumb is that? You hear the Stones, in your head, concerning satisfaction--they actually mention white shirts--maybe it's beaming back from that Voyager satellite that carried it on that gold record, gold is a great conductor, you saw that somewhere on TV.....no, too far.

That guy, at the door in the whitest shirt, he asked: 'Have you met Him?' How many times have you used his name, you ask yourself, times like this, yes; George Carlin reminds you that 'He's all-powerful, loves you, and your children, just can't handle money!' That's why you swatted his question away, '..money, ha, like some kinda sucker.'

Your Sirius XM-equipped flex SUV announces the lockdown, 'no further details available at this time.'

It tries to comfort you, '..police say it's just a precaution'. 'Yeah, right.'

Your peripheral vision, so useful at home and work, while multi-tasking, spies a billboard: 'Choose Life'. You wonder if that includes kids already born, and some weirdo saw it, got a gun, and....no, can't think about it.

A paid ad on your commercial-free Sirius radio, seriously, ha, you always liked that pun grabs your ear. "Remember, your 2nd Amendment rights are the best home security system..a public service announcement by the New America Foundation."

An officer approaches: "It's a false alarm, lockdown's over, just some parent with a concealed weapon set off the metal detector, had a permit" he drones through radio static from his shoulder.

Your forehead hits the plush steering wheel you customized your SUV with. Sirius, seriously, channels into your head: "..the purple pill.."

You pick up your k..child; 'classes cancelled, rest of the day' your child smirk-speaks.

'You ok, hun?' He pulls out earbuds, you can still hear the song, so loud, have his hearing checked. 'White Rabbit', Jefferson Airplane. Thomas J., founder of less government, fine when they had muskets; you're pleased with your recall of history, and its paradoxes. You like that word, it reeks of being well-informed. Gotta get my child into a good college, you reassure the part of your brain that reminds you you're well-informed.

You get back, Jo-Jo..Beatles, college, just pop into your cabeza, you're proud of those years of Spanish, don't use it much, except with the gardener but he only says 'Si' while he tips his hat that says 'Si su puede' on it.

You swat away a teardrop, part joy, part salt.

"Wanna synch up your playlist?" Child nods, you push a chrome-shiny button.

It booms: 'One pill makes you taller, one pill makes you small..' Your smiling child advises you to 'ask Alice'.

You bluetooth your broker, hands free, happier.

'Hey, false alarm at the school; what's the best stock play in home security? Oh, yeah, got a doctor thing, so, just call me later with that, and, um, find out who makes that purple pill, ciao.'

You pull away, peripheral sight instructed by a bumper sticker on the S.W.A.T. van: 'Report Suspicious Behavior, Have a Nice Day'.

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Updated Apr 22, 2017 6:01 AM EDT | More details

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