Defecating on Indonesia
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Can't we use brushes for our backsides like the ancient Romans did?
Asian paper pirates are destroying the Rain Forest.
You didn't know it until now when you read this, but every time you go into the bathroom and take a section of toilet paper to clean your backside---you destroy eight feet of Sumatran Rain Forest and contribute to the extinction of rare tigers.
The perhaps seven wild tigers left in the wild.
Couldn't we go back to the way the ancient Romans used to wipe their butts and use scrub brushes? You use it, wash it off, carry it with you in a fashionable monogrammed imitation leather pouch, take it out when needed and use it again. All you need is water. Maybe that's a little bristly and hard on your delicate underside, but it will do you good. You need something to wake you out of your normal lethargic routine.
Paper giant Asia Pulp & Paper (APP), a conglomerate cartel company conspiracy composed of corporate big-shots, is raping the earth for personal profit. I'm not an against-the-rich communist, I have nothing against their having millions of dollars and strutting around golf courses acting like big guys and living in palatial castles in Singapore. But couldn't they find a more sustainable way for us to wipe ourselves?
APP was founded by Eka Tjipta Widjaja. A Chinese born scoundrel, Widjaja headed a company that according to Wikipedia was convicted of illegal logging in China, Cambodia and the Bukit Tigapuluh National Forest. Without exaggeration he could be called the Attila the Hun of copra mining and paper pulp despoliation of the earth. He destroyed (not without help) entire sections of the globe in Cambodia, China and India, and set his sights on New Guinea, felling trees there like you would vacuum your rug.
Remember this the next time you go into the bathroom to take a cr'p (relieve yourself). That paper you feel down there in the crevice where on occasion we all have our heads is resulting in the end of the last wild places on earth and the psychological impact of living on a planet where the only wild things left are not wild but managed on zoos or farms.
What a boring place that will be.
A World Wildlife Fund (WWF) report issued last year found that APP, the world's "fifth largest tissue producer in the world, is rapidly expanding into the U.S. market with paper linked to rain forest destruction originating from areas that are the last home for critically endangered species such as Sumatran tigers, elephants and orangutans."
Likewise, office paper supplier Asia Pacific Resources International (APRIL), is continuing large-scale deforestation of sections of pristine rain forest in Indonesia so that you can run off a copy of your tax return, according to the eco website Sustainable Brands.
The end game is clear. The hit is on to destroy one of the earth's last remaining up until now areas of pristine rain forest, and all its irreplaceable creatures, and the oxygen it generates.
All of it so you can wipe your rear-end, and so a guy named Sukanto Tanoto, the CAO of APRIL, can live like a sultan in his split-level palace. Tanoto had ties to the dictator of Indonesia, Suharto, and used hired company thugs to beat protestors demonstrating against the pollution and destruction his company was causing. Again, I'm not against Mr. Tanoto or Mr. Tjipta being successful, just against their using a poor helpless orangutan hiding up a tree that is being cut down with a power saw to do it.
In fact APRIL withdrew from participation in a "Forest Stewardship Council" trying to salvage a sliver of the rain forest before it's gone in cooperation with those Mr. Tanoto and other CAOs consider environmental nut cases, Greenpeace and the Rainforest Action Network (RAN).
Thus, APRIL doesn't like RAN, and thinks Greenpeace is full of sh't, because it doesn't want APP to turn Indonesia into a toilet paper farm. The next time you wipe your you-know-what, that place on your body where the sun don't literally shine, you can thank Tanoto and those like him to whom the world's beautiful exotic areas are a private oyster to be exploited.
In essence, Mr. Tanoto and Mr. Tjipta are full of sh't so you won't be (by using toilet paper).
According to the WWF (not the Wrestling Federation, although this group is wrestling with the extinction and impoverishment of the world from you wiping your butt), over the past several years the paper pirates of Asia have converted 200,000 hectares of rain forest into paper-growing plantations, and that's a heck of a lot of hectares, a hectare being two-and-a-half acres.
Twenty years ago there was an orangutan up a palm tree sleepily munching a banana. Now, because of your bodily function needs, there's the roar of chain saws, smoking fires of wood, the crunch of falling trees, truck sounds. Does this make you feel relieved after you relieve yourself?
When I go to the supermarket, I'm asked what do I want, a plastic or paper bag? I have a bad dual choice. If I go with plastic, the plastic ends up in the ocean choking the spout hole of a whale. If I go with paper, I take out a tree a Sumatran tiger is hiding behind.
We need to rethink our priorities, including what goes into the toilet seat.
I'll go with a reusable cloth bag to the supermarket. And I'll use a brush to clean my backside like Julius Caesar used to. It will be thrilling.
John Sammon, : John Sammon is a writer whose experience includes newspaper reporting, magazine writing, personality profiles, interviews, celebrity interviews (Clint Eastwood), historical pieces, investigative and crime. He was selected “Most Valuable Reporter” for California’s oldest continually operating newspaper, and covered the weekend crime beat for a daily newspaper in Nevada. If you beat your wife on Friday, he wrote about it and got you in deep trouble on Saturday. He covered business,... (more...)