Food and Drink

You Poor Vegan

The Cheeseburger
The Cheeseburger
A cheeseburger is a hamburger with cheese that has been added to it. Traditionally, the cheese is placed on top of the patty, but the burger can include many variations in structure, ingredients, and composition. The term itself is a portmanteau of the words "cheese" and "hamburger." | Photo: Carls Jr. | Hamburger, Beef, Red Meat, Cheeseburger, Overweight, Food,

Eating Meat is part of your Soul

Being a vegan over the years has caught me a lot of shat. I never understood why anyone got so frustrated over the fact that I do not dine on dead animals, and I'm not alone. Many other vegans I communicate with have also felt this disdain from the general public towards our vegan principles and lifestyles.

One of the biggest complaints and misconceptions I regularly hear about we helpless vegans is that eating meat is the natural order of man. That we humans need meat to survive and thrive. I will not even enter the evolution debate yet, but instead I'll merely point towards an archeologist who found a vegan/vegetarian civilization living in the Himalayans believed to be over five thousand years old.

For those on the Bible clock, that means this tiny civilization existed when ice men walked the planet, 2,000 years before Jesus earned his wings. Even though this vegan/vegetarian civilization never figured out proper plumbing or entertainment, they did successfully remain alive after other supposedly great and powerful meat-eating civilizations lived and died off.

Then I realized most people believe the propaganda being dispersed on a daily basis by the corporate meat, dairy, and fishing industries on the ills of veganism; and of course they think veganism is the anti-Christ in disguise, killing us poor vegans from the inside as our meat-deprived souls shrivel up and dry out like pieces of beef jerky.

So I am going to clear the air, and reveal some facts about veganism. The vegan lifestyle will improve your sex life, as well as the frequency, it will make your penis bigger, or your boobs bigger or perkier (whichever you choose), and you will be able to fly!

Childhood Obesity
Childhood Obesity

Obese youth are more likely to have risk factors for cardiovascular disease, such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure. In a population-based sample of 5 to 17-year-olds, 70% of obese youth had at least one risk factor for cardiovascular disease. | Photo: |
Of course, those are all mostly lies. Except if a person is overweight and they go vegan, the healthier diet will push their gut back, exposing more of their junk, and their libido will get a boost.

The point is if our friends from the meat, diary and fishing industries are going to keep lying about how "milk does the body good," and "red meat is great for your heart," then veganism needs a new campaign built around sensational claims also.

Perhaps with slogans such as, "Veganism, The Diet of Nymphos" or "Veganism, The Natural Penial Enhancer", we vegans will start getting a lot more smiles and a lot less strife.

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Updated Apr 22, 2017 6:00 AM EDT | More details

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