The Independent

Jersey Jaws

Chris Christie and Barck Obama
Chris Christie and Barck Obama
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie and president Barack Obama meet to tour damage from another storm, Hurricane Irene, on Sept. 4, 2011. | Photo: Charles Dharapak | Chris Christie, Barack Obama, Irene, Governor, President, Shake Hands,

An Independent Flim (Flam) Maker and a Certain Bridge

We've been invited to a classic Hollywood pitch session; a young, and imposingly large rising star in the media has used some of his considerable juice with certain wealthy backers to gain access to a major funder of story lines, a so-called 'bridge' to the big boys of television entertainment and news; let's listen as he makes that presentation:

"Ok, see, there's this town, visited mostly for as long as it takes to get somewhere else, see, to this bridge; now, even though you have this powerful guy in your same state, he's pretty much above the fray, right, not the kinda guy who flexes his muscle, see, wants to 'help', so to speak, the town's tourism, get folks to stay, you know, longer.

Now, get this, you've come across this, whaddya call it, study, yeah, study, of this new species, right, landsharks, they're called, you know, that whole Saturday Night Live thing, Chevy Chase, 'knock, knock, landshark...'

Anywho, see, you see all these people, they're stayin in your town alright, but in their cars, seems they're afraid of these landsharks the rich guy in town's been touting, talking about, gettin his buddies at the port authority to play it safe, ya know, keep these folks away from where these landsharks have been seen, seen by experts about these things, and not just Chevy Chase or his New York players, either, but traffic experts, see.

After a couple of days of this, you know, overcrowding of your little town, you--you're the mayor, remember?--say to yourself, 'What's all this about landsharks?' I haven't seen any such thing, only the more familiar kind in the ocean, near the Jersey Shore, a famous incident, was a big thing, but that was in the 1920's or something, anyway. So he calls the newspapers, anybody, including this old salty sailor he knows from the local tavern, see; this old sailor type he tells the mayor he's seen and captured all kinds of sharks, and he's never heard of any landshark! You can imagine, you, the mayor, are none too pleased, especially when the old salty guy says to you 'You're gonna need a bigger vote, you don't get to the bottom of this tall tale.

Whaddya think? Pretty good story, eh?"

Our bridge powerhouse slowly breaks into a smile, and tells the imposing pitcher the following:
"Well, I'll tell you this--I've seen pitches of all types, and sizes; Chris, can I call you Chris? (he doesn't wait for permission) Chris, like I told the fella who pitched me The Brooklyn Bridge, you not only jumped the gun, you jumped the shark!"

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Updated May 10, 2017 9:58 AM EDT | More details

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