The Right

Why Care About Christie?

Chris Christie
Chris Christie
Chris Christie at a press conference apologizing for the scandal January 9, 2014. Christopher James "Chris" Christie, born September 6, 1962, is an American attorney and politician. He is the 55th Governor of New Jersey and a leading member of the Republican Party. | Photo: Jeff Zelevansky | Chris Christie, Governor, New Jersey, Republican, Attorney, Overweight, Leader,

Bridge-gate is as good for me as it is for Hillary.

With all of the furor over Chris Christie and "bridge-gate," you would think the governor of New Jersey had personally put out the road cones himself. It's really quite transparent, seeing the man viewed as Hilary Clinton's toughest challenger for the 2016 presidential election being taken down a peg in a "major" scandal.
I mean, really? With all of the media targeting Christie so virulently, you would have thought that he had...

Used the IRS to influence an election.

Or maybe...

Trafficked guns to Mexican drug cartels.

Or maybe...

Fudged the unemployment rate to influence an election.

Or maybe...

Disappeared while foreign militants killed a U.S. ambassador & three other Americans, and then flew off to Vegas.

Or maybe...

Spent over $600 million taxpayer dollars on a website that completely fails the most basic functions.

Or maybe...

Spied on every American's phone calls and emails in violation of the 4th Amendment.

But because one of Christie's top aides closed off a few traffic lanes in a dumb, petty reprisal, Christie deserves more ire than anyone in the federal government has over the past five years.

Personally, I don't care so much about Chris Christie, and if the bridge scandal knocks him out of the running for president, then so much the better. As much as I don't want to see another progressive/socialist Democrat in the White House - Barack Obama has done enough damage as it is - having a progressive Republican in the presidency isn't any better. It's kind of like how it was having Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor of California - yes, he had an (R) next to his name, but that didn't make him a good governor.

That's not to say that there aren't good things about Chris Christie. In a world filled with corrupt, deceptive scumbags, I appreciate politicians like Christie who are plain-spoken, will tell it like it is, and refuse to put up with stupid political games. But plain-spoken honesty isn't enough to win my support - especially when I can get a plain-spoken conservative like Rand Paul or Ted Cruz. And something must really smell in Jersey if the governor's top aides thought it was a good idea to pull a stunt like this, and that they could get away with it. Is it really worth trading the corrupt, deceptive scumbags for some corrupt, semi-honest scumbags? I don't think so.

One of the frustrating things about "Bridge-gate" (Aside from it being dubbed "bridge-gate" by the media - I mean, seriously, get a new nickname for scandals.) is that Governor Christie has already done all of the right things. He explained what happened, apologized, expressed his frustration, and fired the person responsible - much more than we've ever gotten from the Obama administration...and yet, don't expect the media to let this go any time soon. Progressive or no, Christie is a Republican, and Republican scandals must be amplified, if only to distract from President Obama's own scandals.

In fact, the Obama administration is already taking advantage of the distraction provided by "Bridge-gate" to hide its own corruption. As the media is focused almost entirely on traffic lanes in New Jersey, the Department of Justice announced their choice to lead the DOJ investigation into the IRS scandal...a lawyer who, it just so happens, made a large donation to the Obama campaign. So at least now we know we'll get a fair and honest investigation.

Using a Republican scandal to hide a Democrat cover-up? Now that's art.

Within a day, Chris Christie had done more to atone for his administration's improper closing of traffic lanes than President Obama has done for any of his administration's numerous scandals. Maybe Christie's fault lies not in what happened, but in how he responded to this scandal.

Governor Christie should take a lesson from his good buddy President Obama:

First, change that (R) to a (D). Everyone knows that in today's political climate, every Republican's misstep is a scandal, while Democrats can practically get away with murder - just ask Ted Kennedy. And since Christie is practically a Democrat anyway, it shouldn't be too jarring of a change for him.

Second, DENY EVERYTHING! Taking responsibility may be the right thing to do, but a cover-up would be much more effective. Throw out some misinformation, then hunker down and wait for the media to go away. If worst comes to worst, get your media allies to drum up some other major story to distract everyone.

Third, bring Bridget Kelly back. Yes, she may have been the one responsible for the scandal, but that's no reason to fire her in this day and age, especially once you have a (D) next to your name. The best thing to do would be to give her a promotion - that worked for Susan Rice, after all. Then, when the legislature convenes their special investigative committee, send her in to give testimony. Make sure she says, in her most obnoxiously loud, condescendingly offended voice, "WHAT DIFFERENCE, AT THIS POINT, DOES IT MAKE WHY THOSE TRAFFIC LANES WERE CLOSED?"

Then, make sure you go on 60 minutes and describe all of this as "bumps in the road." Pun intended.

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Updated May 10, 2017 9:58 AM EDT | More details

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