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Leave the [School] Bldg.

Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley
Elvis Aaron Presley, born January 8, 1935, died August 16, 1977, was an American singer and actor. Regarded as one of the most significant cultural icons of the 20th century, he is often referred to as "the King of Rock and Roll", or simply, "the King". | Photo: Archives | Elvis Presley, Singer, Sexy, Icon, Military, Actor,

Elvis, Hip and the Demise of American Scholarship

Here's a syllogism:

Major Premise: American-born students prefer cool to school

Minor Premise: Foreign nationals rank well above American-born students academically

Conclusion: Elvis is to blame

You, the sophisticated American (or other national resident in the U.S.) reader, yes, you, there; you've traveled to many other nations, and otherwise encountered youth from many other industrialized nations.

Now, then, your general experience has been thus: foreign-born students in those industrialized first world nations are more serious-minded about their studies, largely undistracted by frivolous popular cultural icons, beginning with one Elvis Presley. A cautionary defense of the latter personality---he was at the outset of his career a rather innocuous talent, perhaps unsophisticated as a matter of birth, therefore, beyond his control; enter a huckster of a manager, the Colonel, Mr. Parker who proceeded to exploit to the point of insipidity the natural talents of this young man as singer, performer and talented serious actor.

The result has been, over time, tragic for the American student. Soon, the man who was prettier than most women (sorry, ladies) became the role model for generations of young men, his Priscilla teen bride serving as the passive admirer, nay, worshipper of this 'hunka....burnin love'.

Let's review the factual evidence, shall we?

First, we have not returned to the Moon since 1972; the engineers and slide-rulers who made that happen, along with their Presidential mentor, matriculated long before Elvis' birth or fame.

Second, American leaders of (if not from) the massive Baby Boom generation, Alpha & Beta, have been considerably corrupted in their ability to focus on their sacred task of making America a better place than when they entered into her leadership; hence, all manner of sex and, yes, drug-related scenarios have plagued each President since JFK. (The exceptions prove the rule, to wit: LBJ was too downright ugly and otherwise unctuous, Nixon, well, was Nixon, Ford too clumsy (btw, both Nixon & Ford drove their wives to alcoholism or its functional equivalent, do the masculine math), Carter, peanut farmer, ahem, Reagan, senile, Bush, apparently Oedipal, married his freakin mother by all appearances, Clinton---open Elvis emulator, Bush II, drunk and stupid his apparent path through life).

Third, our very vernacular argot has been infected by such unnecessarily hip phrase as 'you-know-who has left the building' , 'What would Elvis do?' & this scrivener's favorite for downright enervation, 'Oh, Elvis!'

Fourth, the clincher, E-man sought desperately to meet Dick, yes, Mr. Nixon for a DEA badge; also, Elvis was 'packing' and did nothing on our behalf (yes, we'd have had Agnew, then some senile Speaker).

Enough.

Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley

Elvis Aaron Presley, born January 8, 1935, died August 16, 1977, was an American singer and actor. Regarded as one of the most significant cultural icons of the 20th century, he is often referred to as "the King of Rock and Roll", or simply, "the King". | Photo: Archives | Elvis Presley, Singer, Sexy, Cadillac, Icon, Car, Military, Actor,

It's high time we supplanted, indeed, rooted out this cultural devolution and replaced it with a far more reasonable better: The Beatles.

Evident reasons are the following:

1. These lads actually contemplated when they'd be 64;

2. Their lyrics are often thoughtful ('holding hands, driving my car, shake it up baby' notwithstanding);

3. They went to India, and not on tour or in leather jumpsuits;

4. They were politically and culturally wise;

5. Carnaby Street clothing was truly 'fab';

6. Some of them dominate some really priceless land in Manhattan.

There are many more such points in their favor. Hold your applause, and look for the Petition to Make Elvis Expungement a priority for the first time machine invented by Elon Musk (who, obviously, managed to evade the perils of Elvisism).

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Updated May 10, 2017 9:56 AM EDT | More details

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