The Left

Idiots R Us

Ben Carson
Ben Carson
Benjamin Solomon "Ben" Carson, Sr., born September 18, 1951, is a retired American neurosurgeon who is a candidate for President of the United States in the 2016 presidential election. | Photo: Archives | Ben Carson, Neurosurgeon, Presidential Candidate, Glasses, Black, African American,

We'll be forced to listen to fewer lies

God help us.

Look at the field of candidates. All over-achievers who never served anybody but themselves, but now claim they want to serve us.

You can look at a person's past life before they ran for office to see what kind of person they were. Was there any moment when they did something idealistic or sacrificed anything? Ever once?

Ben Carson, let's start with him. A black man who apparently has never heard of the Civil Rights Movement, although if the Republican Party had had its way in the 1960's, he'd still be seated on the back of a bus (I remember a conservative once telling me Martin Luther King was stirring up blacks and causing trouble with talk of equality).

Carson realizes the value of military service and so whether he lied when he was offered a West Point scholarship (West Point doesn't offer scholarships), is beside the point. The point is that like many of the other candidates, he never served a day. He's a doctor and an investment shark who had a relationship with a vitamin company and denies it.

He's the front-runner because he stood back and let the other candidates act like Moe, Larry and Curly while he was emotionless, and allegorically seemed to say in a calming voice, "America, you're sick, take two aspirins and call me in the morning." That's reassuring. He's ahead in the polls. Americans trust doctors more than lawyers.

Donald Trump, that flamboyant game show host with orange hair, a 69-year-old punk in a pin-striped suit figuratively attempting to screw you into ordering more expensive satellite devices than you really need for the already overpriced car he's selling you. If this was a biblical epic he'd be praying to a golden calf. A boaster, martinet, mountebank, poseur, shyster, whose god is mammon (money).

I can't stand arrogance.

Serve his country before? Sacrifice anything? A sucker game. Not for him.

Remember, when Trump equates monetary gain with patriotism and business bankruptcies with denial, Al Capone once had a business card that read, "Furniture Dealer."

Rand Paul. Perhaps the most intelligent of the bunch, a hybrid Republico-Libertarian who to his credit actually tried to turn back the party's conversion of the U.S. into a "Fahrenheit 451-type" domestic spy oligarchy (Patriot Act), but who is so devoid of personality that when he stares head-on at the debate camera he seems to be readying to say, "You are growing sleepy. Watch the watch. Your eyelids are getting heavy."

Also a doctor like Carson, Paul lacks the token-ness and racism smokescreen potential of Carson's ethnicity.

Remember Rand, Americans want to be entertained.

Carly Fiorina, the lone female candidate of the Republicans, another evidently bright person and to her credit she has overseen several national charity organizations, but always from the top never as a common volunteer.

All the candidates exhibit a reluctance (avoid like the plague is a better description) to do common labor of the kind that has 90-year-old Jimmy Carter nailing a board to a doorway of the low-income house he's helping to build.

Fiorina's principal involvement has been as a business shark and CEO of merging and imploding companies including the shipment of sophisticated computer parts to Iran in that country's quest to develop an atomic bomb. Thanks Carly. She makes the curious logic voters should give up electing insider ruthless political hacks, and instead vote for ruthless, golden parachute-retirement salary, multi-millionaire slash-and-burn-unload-the-company-for-a-profit-and-put-everybody-else out of work business tycoons like herself.

Tall and austere-looking, she often appears grim on camera talking about her brand of imagined selfless patriotic idealism, reminding you of the scary school librarian who once stared you into jelly when you were in the fifth grade and being too noisy.

Chris Christie, the hurricane man, whose handling of his state's response during a storm a few years ago peaked his national popularity and whose political star has been fading ever since due to a series of gaffs, including the incident where his handlers (later fired) stopped traffic across a bridge into New York for a week costing millions. Christie conducted his own internal investigation and predictably cleared himself of any wrongdoing (he blamed aides). He is big and heavy, and could be jolly if he wasn't so serious. In fact, he could be the perfect Chucko the Clown at the circus, the one who doesn't scare the small children.

All the candidates portray themselves as Washington outsiders and Christie is no exception. He's a wanna-be Beltway insider with a big belt. Actually, we haven't had a fat president since William Howard Taft, so that's to be considered with Christie's campaign. It's becoming apparent the American people don't want him.

The same with Jeb, Jeb, oh Jeb, what are we gonna do with you? How would you like to have this legacy, a father and brother, both presidents and both terrible, but then when it becomes your turn to become a terrible president, the door slams in your face?

You're too late Jeb. The old man lied, "Read my lips, no new taxes," and then when he got elected raised taxes. The brother decapitated the economy and launched two wars that created Isis. The American public has had enough, despite your name, your political machine. Jeb is the tallest candidate, blinking nervously behind bottle cap glasses. He looks more like an accountant.

Nobody has the heart to tell Jeb he's had it. That's like going to the barn to shoot a sick horse. Pathetic.

Cruz and Rubio, the Batman and Robin (Rubio actually looks like Robin) hoping to attract Latino voters in that both are partly Latino, even though the Republican Party would like to kick all immigrants out except for those who pick salad, make beds and mow lawns for the Republican candidates. Good luck fellas.

Rubio has taken the position (with little gain) that he's a front-runner because he's important enough to be criticized (attacked) during the debates. But he looks too much like a boy, a real boy. John F. Kennedy had boyish charm, but he still looked like a man. Rubio looks like a boy-boy.

Cruz on the other hand has the look of a Mafia boss and though it's grossly unfair to criticize someone for their looks (I myself am pretty ugly), Cruz on the other hand really acts like a Mafia don too. His recent shameful performance accusing moderators of liberal treachery when he is all too happy to ignore Rush Limbaugh's right-wing fabrications shows he's only capable of partisanship.

"And the rest."

Remember the old Gilligan's Island song that in the early black and white run of the show in its first year ignored the professor and Mary Ann by describing them as "And the rest?" The professor and Mary Ann complained about it and eventually got their names in the show song. In that way they are like the candidates, craving recognition, complaining about the debate show format and about each other, including Mike Huckabee and his smirk, who really isn't running for president but who like Bush simply doesn't know it yet.

And the rest?

Who cares. They and Huckabee will be gone soon.

We'll be forced to listen to fewer lies.

That leaves Hillary. A ruthlessly ambitious, power-driven overachiever who will spout homilies about social issues, women, minorities and the poor in the same tired old big money machine boss Democrat way, referring to FDR and Truman, never her husband, denying her improper emails, sitting back haughty and letting the Republican's unique ability to self-destruct themselves override her frigid lack of charm. A reincarnated Hubert Humphrey in a skirt, more of the same, always the same, proving once again the system is impervious to positive or substantive change.

More big budget deficits, more wars, more, more, and less less in your middle class wallet.

Bernie, poor Bernie, impossible to elect because despite being perhaps the only true idealistic and somewhat honest candidate of the bunch, in an emerging, quasi-fascist industrial complex police state, he will continue to be seen as a fringe lunatic, only fit to be the president of Denmark.

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Updated May 6, 2017 5:51 AM EDT | More details

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