The Independent

Empty Snarky

Sanders and Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton, born October 26, 1947, is an American politician and former United States Senator from New York from 2001 to 2009. | Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary Of State, Hillary Clinton, Makeup, Fart, Face,

Milliennials can snub Hillary, but some have no idea why.

Oh Millennials. Ya gotta love 'em. On second thought, you don't.

Case in point. About a month ago, my girlfriend's son's girlfriend (25) and I (33?) found ourselves standing in front of the TV in the living room. For a brief moment, a picture of Hillary Clinton appeared on the screen. Within a nanosecond, "Fiona" (her name is really Jesse) made a face that can only be interpreted as disgust. Or gas.

Why? Yes, she's feeling the Bern, but why the hate? What did Hillary ever do to her? Why the snarky expression? Why does this paragraph have so many questions?

After all, "Fiona" probably doesn't know much of anything about our former First Lady, has no idea she was a Senator or that she was also the First Lady of Arkansas. I know all this because I've followed Hillary's career for over 20 years. I know how she fought (and failed) to overhaul our healthcare system in the '90's. I know she wrote a book called "It Takes a Village." I also know it takes a village to pull her husband away from chubby interns.

Fiona's snarky-ness was baseless; there was no "there" there. There was no necessary knowledge to back up her disdain.

It was... "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending).

Many Bernie Sanders supporters under the age of 30 share this most annoying quality. Most of them had never heard of him until last fall and many of them today still think he's Larry David.

But where does "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending) come from? What are its roots?

Self absorbed
Self absorbed

Self absorption is defined as caring only about one's own self and one's own activities and not showing interest in the rest of the world. An example of self absorption is when you go on and on to your friend about your problems without asking how she is. YourDictionary definition and usage example. | Self Absorbed, Ego, Millennial, Cell Phone, Mobile Phone, Texting, Balloons, Social Media, Glasses, Alone, Isolated,

One has to look no further than Harry Potter. If you recall, when our Millennials were children and living at home (like they do now), their doting parents would whisk them off to Borders as quickly as you can say "Yay Dumbledore!" and stand in line for three days to purchase these most perfect tomes. They would think giddily, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Arthritis" will be my child's gateway book. It will open the door to the glorious world of books. It will get my child into a great college with limited date-rape incidents!"

Perfect. The Harry Potter series was perfect. So perfect that Jayden and Cooper and Fiona wouldn't read another book again until college because they weren't Harry Potter. Show them another book and they would wrinkle up their noses as if looking at a plate of broccoli turds.

Bernie Sanders, imperfect as he is, is their idea of the perfect candidate. He's like some kindly old wizard at Hogwarts who teaches "Spells, Incantations and The One Percent is Fucking Us Over." Hillary is Valdemort with a better haircut -- an evil essence in pantsuits standing in the way of free college, free healthcare and free maple syrup.

That's why Fiona made that snarky face, why the mere sight of Hillary turned her stomach.

Wake up, ye Millennials of little understanding, and save your "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending) for the powerful and very loud wizard from Queens, a giant of a man who can build 30-foot walls with a mere mention of Mexicans, and who can entice supermodels from Eastern Europe with the touch of his golden hand.

Pour your enmity into him, this Trump, and allow Hillary to conquer him. Fill your Empty Snarky with facts and context and an understanding that elections, like most things in life, aren't perfect.

And please stop making those faces.

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Updated Aug 12, 2017 12:01 PM EDT | More details


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