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Sanders is their idea of the perfect candidate. He's like some kindly old wizard from Hogwarts.
On the cover:
Sanders and Clinton
Bernard "Bernie" Sanders, born September 8, 1941, is an American politician and the junior United States Senator from Vermont. A Democrat as of 2015, he had been the longest-serving independent in U.S. Congressional history. Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton, born October 26, 1947, is an American politician and former United States Senator from New York from 2001 to 2009.
Milliennials can snub Hillary, but some have no idea why.
Case in point. About a month ago, my girlfriend's son's girlfriend (25) and I (33?) found ourselves standing in front of the TV in the living room. For a brief moment, a picture of Hillary Clinton appeared on the screen. Within a nanosecond, "Fiona" (her name is really Jesse) made a face that can only be interpreted as disgust. Or gas.
Why? Yes, she's feeling the Bern, but why the hate? What did Hillary ever do to her? Why the snarky expression? Why does this paragraph have so many questions?
After all, "Fiona" probably doesn't know much of anything about our former First Lady, has no idea she was a Senator or that she was also the First Lady of Arkansas. I know all this because I've followed Hillary's career for over 20 years. I know how she fought (and failed) to overhaul our healthcare system in the '90's. I know she wrote a book called "It Takes a Village." I also know it takes a village to pull her husband away from chubby interns.
Fiona's snarky-ness was baseless; there was no "there" there. There was no necessary knowledge to back up her disdain.
It was... "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending).
Many Bernie Sanders supporters under the age of 30 share this most annoying quality. Most of them had never heard of him until last fall and many of them today still think he's Larry David.
But where does "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending) come from? What are its roots?
One has to look no further than Harry Potter. If you recall, when our Millennials were children and living at home (like they do now), their doting parents would whisk them off to Borders as quickly as you can say "Yay Dumbledore!" and stand in line for three days to purchase these most perfect tomes. They would think giddily, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Arthritis" will be my child's gateway book. It will open the door to the glorious world of books. It will get my child into a great college with limited date-rape incidents!"
Perfect. The Harry Potter series was perfect. So perfect that Jayden and Cooper and Fiona wouldn't read another book again until college because they weren't Harry Potter. Show them another book and they would wrinkle up their noses as if looking at a plate of broccoli turds.
Bernie Sanders, imperfect as he is, is their idea of the perfect candidate. He's like some kindly old wizard at Hogwarts who teaches "Spells, Incantations and The One Percent is Fucking Us Over." Hillary is Valdemort with a better haircut -- an evil essence in pantsuits standing in the way of free college, free healthcare and free maple syrup.
That's why Fiona made that snarky face, why the mere sight of Hillary turned her stomach.
Wake up, ye Millennials of little understanding, and save your "Empty Snarky" (©™®™©Patent Pending) for the powerful and very loud wizard from Queens, a giant of a man who can build 30-foot walls with a mere mention of Mexicans, and who can entice supermodels from Eastern Europe with the touch of his golden hand.
Pour your enmity into him, this Trump, and allow Hillary to conquer him. Fill your Empty Snarky with facts and context and an understanding that elections, like most things in life, aren't perfect.
And please stop making those faces.
Phil Lebovits, Political Satirist: 2016 is going to be the most interesting political year since 1876, maybe even better than Tilden v. Hayes. I can't wait to dump on Trump, kick Bush in the tush, shout boos at Cruz and f**k with Huck...abee. Here's to a wonderful year of witty prose, satirical musings and good pie. Cheers! P.S. Tilden was robbed! (more...)