Trump Insults Trump
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Donald Trump is now preparing to go after the one person he's never taken on before: Donald Trump
On the cover:
Donald John Trump, Sr., born June 14, 1946, is an American business magnate, investor, television personality, author, and 2016 US Presidential candidate.
With no one left to offend, the Donald takes aim at himself.
After months of denigrating and demeaning his opponents, Donald Trump is running out of targets. "Little" Marco Rubio is history, as are "Lying" Ted Cruz, "Low Energy" Jeb, and "Look at that Face!" Fiorina.
"Crooked" Hillary is weak stuff. So is calling the press "dishonest and disgusting."
But never fear. The Don Rickles of Presidential nominees will not go down without a fight. Donald Trump is now preparing to go after the one person he's never taken on before: Donald Trump.
A hint of his new approach could be heard over the weekend in D.C at the huge Rolling Thunder motorcyclist rally at the Lincoln Memorial.
"Say what you will about Slimy Donald, but this man is definitely no Lincoln!" bellowed Trump. Slimy Spastic Dog Poop Trump can't hold a candle to this guy."
Some in the crowd yelled, "F**k yeah, you suck!" Most stood in stunned silence.
Trump continued. "Bill Maher calls Trump a 'whiny bitch,' but let me tell you folks, he's much more than that. Sniveling Whiny Arrogant DoucheDonkey Trump is not fit to be president!"
More "Fuck yeahs!" The crowd seemed to be warming to this Trump bashing Trump.
"Let me tell you, this Trump guy with his teeny tiny hands and his teeny tiny penis is a disgrace!" Trump roared. "He's more disgusting than Chris Christie in a thong!"
"You're an asshole, Trump!" screamed a biker wearing leather earmuffs and ass-less chaps. "Major asshole!"
"Oh, Trump is more than that," the Donald blurted. He's a five-star, Purple Heart, Congressional Medal of Honor asshole! Donald Trump, if not for his daddy's money, would be a grimy homeless man sitting in the Bowery masturbating in front of Malaysian transfer students."
"F**k Trump! F**k Trump!" chanted the crowd as thousands of asterisks flew out of their mouths.
Trump stood back, admiring his handiwork and soaking in all the venom. He turned around and gave his wife Melanoma a big... a small thumb’s up. After a pause, he leaned into the microphone.
"You know who I really feel sorry for?" he asked the maddening crowd. "I feel really sorry for Donald Trump's wife. Old LimpDick Flaccid-Friendly NoodleNub Donald couldn't get it up if his life depended on it. Oh, and let's make America great again!"
Twenty minutes later, as he climbed into his limousine and drove away, the Lincoln Memorial receding more quickly than his hairline, an exhausted Trump sat back and sighed.
"I gotta do that more often. It felt good. I just hope dickwad Donald lets me."
Phil Lebovits, Political Satirist: 2016 is going to be the most interesting political year since 1876, maybe even better than Tilden v. Hayes. I can't wait to dump on Trump, kick Bush in the tush, shout boos at Cruz and f**k with Huck...abee. Here's to a wonderful year of witty prose, satirical musings and good pie. Cheers! P.S. Tilden was robbed! (more...)