the Donald Folds
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Signs are pointing to The Trumpchurian Candidate quitting the race entirely.
On the cover:
Donald John Trump, Sr., born June 14, 1946, is an American business magnate, investor, television personality, author, and 2016 US Presidential candidate.
Better to be a quitter than the biggest loser.
The "Tangerine Caligula" (many thanks to Mark Brazill, co-creator of The 70's Show) has already tipped off his intentions to NOT debate this fall, using the lame excuse that two of the debates bump up against NFL games and thus would reduce viewership.
I think Trump would want the SMALLEST audience possible as Hillary dissects him piece by piece with the precision of a brain surgeon. I'm no Nostradamus, but the signs are pointing to The Trumpchurian Candidate quitting the race entirely, perhaps by October. The writing is not only on the wall, it's covering the floors and ceilings now.
The Polls. The Seventh Circle of Hell F***-athon that was the Republican Convention gave Agent Orange no bounce. He now finds himself trailing Hillary by about 8 points. Even more daunting for The Donald is that he now may have to play defense in such traditional GOP “safe” states as Arizona, Missouri, Georgia and… hold your fez… UTAH! Yes, Utah. The latest poll there has Hillary ahead by one point. Not even the Angel Moroni could have predicted that.
Utah hasn’t voted for a Democrat in a presidential election since the Paleozoic era. The “Romney Effect” may be more powerful than first imagined. Mormons may not be too keen on black people, alcohol and black people drinking alcohol, but they abhor bad manners. When angered, the typical Mormon will say things like "Flick!" or "Sugar." They have little patience for boorish behavior coming from a poof-headed blowhard who wants to marry his daughter... well, most Mormons would object
The Wrath of Kahn Effect. The Democratic Convention was a crucible for good to great oratory, but nothing moved the nation more than the heartfelt and heartbroken speech delivered by Khizr Kahn, a proud Muslim father whose son Humayun died a hero, sacrificing his own life in order to save his troops. "You have sacrificed nothing!” an enraged Kahn shouted at Trump. "And no one."
Now a normal person with skin depth of approximately 1.5 millimeters would take the blow and move on. But Trump, he of no discernible epidermis, cannot. Orange Julius has taken the bait and has fired back at Kahn and his wife (Connie Kahn?) every day since, thus pissing off the Republican establishment, moderate Republicans, Mark Cuban, Warren Buffett, and his own running mate Mark Pence.
The Donald just can't help himself, and this is a battle he will lose. The hero trumps the zero.
The "Rigged" System. Now this is the most salient clue that Small Hand Luke will quit the race. Trump is now explicitly telling his crowds that the system is rigged, that we can't have a fair election in this country. Calmer heads may not explode, but mine already is. This piece of orangutan excrement, knowing he'll lose in a landslide, is insulting our way of electing presidents, disenfranchising all of us. Sure, Florida in 2000 was a major f**k flood, but nobody on either side really believed the system was rigged; the system just didn't work.
Donald Trump has peeked in the polls and will be lucky to maintain much support in the weeks to come. Judgment day is coming as an emboldened press will confront this thin-skinned lizard with truths about Trump University, his Putin Puppet Show and the deafening roar to see his DAMN TAX RETURNS!!!!
Donald Trump will quit the race before the election and leave the Republican Party in turmoil. There's your October surprise.
Phil Lebovits, Political Satirist: 2016 is going to be the most interesting political year since 1876, maybe even better than Tilden v. Hayes. I can't wait to dump on Trump, kick Bush in the tush, shout boos at Cruz and f**k with Huck...abee. Here's to a wonderful year of witty prose, satirical musings and good pie. Cheers! P.S. Tilden was robbed! (more...)