Entertainment

An Open Letter to Judd Apatow

Judd Apatow
Judd Apatow
Judd Apatow
Judd Apatow, born December 6, 1967, is a producer, writer, director, actor, and comedian. | Judd Apatow, Producer, Writer, Director, Actor, Comedian,

I'm a rape survivor and your comparison is invalid

Judd,

Can I call you Judd? I don't know you and after your attempt at "comedy", I don't want to. I let a lot slide but as a rape survivor, someone who actually was date raped by my then-boyfriend back in the fall of 2002, when I see something making fun of rape, comparing anything to rape, or about rape in general, I, at a minimum, pause and read every word of it. Is it worth it for me to get upset, to say something or do I just label the author an ignorant douche bag and move on? In your case, I'm not moving on, because there are a few things you need to understand. You made a comparison, saying Trump being elected president was "like being raped"...care to elaborate because I'm not getting the comparison. I don't think you actually understand rape. I do so let me explain it to you. I'm also going to go on the assumption that nobody close to you has been raped because I'm pretty sure if that was the case you'd not be going there.

Rape isn't funny, ever. It's not sexy, cute, glamorous, fun, or funny. It's debilitating and disgusting. It's gut-wrenching and humiliating. It's dehumanizing and paralyzing. It's the most personal of crimes. your body is the crime scene. When I went through counseling, after hiding and denying and burying my rape for 11 years, the rape victims I met had similar stories. We blamed ourselves. Most of us were suicidal at some point between the rape itself and now. We tried to die, we tried to figure out where we could have stopped it, what we did to provoke it. We beat the hell out of ourselves, we abused ourselves endlessly. We tortured ourselves trying to replay it, and figure out where we could have stopped it, escaped, done something, anything differently.

Your comparison of Trump being elected president to being rape doesn't stand for a multitude of reasons not the least of which are: nobody was forced to vote for Trump, and nobody was humiliated into or by voting for Trump. That is rape. People's reactions to Trump winning notwithstanding, none of that is rape. It's not "like being raped."

I can tell you about every excruciating moment of mine, including the moment the break happened, where I was out of my body, on the ceiling watching the entire thing, no way to do anything at all except live through it. I can tell you about that moment when trust was shattered into a billion little pieces of broken glass that I then stepped on as he let me go, his goal achieved. I can tell you about scrubbing my skin first in his filthy shower then driving home in the middle of the night, and scrubbing my skin raw in my shower. I can tell you about crawling into bed and trying to sleep as it replayed in my mind every time I closed my eyes. For months it kept replaying, til I buried it, convinced I remembered it wrong. Is any part of that funny to you? Is it worth making fun of? Do you see the comparison to Trump being elected president? Because I don't.

Further, I can tell you about having something bring back memories and flashbacks years later. I can tell you about walking into the rape crisis center and saying the words aloud. Nobody knew I was there except my counselor, and yet shame was everywhere. Nobody knew I was there, and yet, I was still afraid the world was going to crash in on me. It didn't. I survived, just as I did the night I was raped. That was my job that night, to make it out alive. When someone you trust shatters that trust, you can't breathe. You don't want to.

Understand, what I just wrote is rape. Someone deciding they're going to take something that isn't theirs is rape. I said "no" repeatedly and he did it anyway. That is rape. A man being elected president of the United States is not rape. It's not comparable to rape.

There is nothing, nothing in Trump's presidency that compares to rape! NOTHING!!

Let me break the differences down for you:

  1. Trump didn't taken my freedom or my sense of trust in myself from me.
  2. Trump didn't make me feel ugly and worthless.
  3. I don't feel unsafe in my own skin or home because of Trump.
  4. I don't want to kill myself or scrub every moment of Trump's administration thus far from my mind.
  5. I don't hate myself because of something Trump did.
  6. Trump hasn't cost me trust in myself and others.
  7. Trump doesn't make me afraid to leave my house at night.
  8. Trump hasn't humiliated me or made me afraid of every man not biologically related to me.
  9. Trump hasn't made me want to hide from myself or anyone else.
  10. Trump hasn't made me seek counseling so that I can understand that it wasn't my fault.
  11. Trump hasn't left me to rebuild myself and my life from ashes.


I don't expect you'll ever read this and that's OK. But someone has to stand up when people like you decide to run your mouth and make idiotic comparisons. Rape is about degradation and

humiliation; it's about taking what's not yours; it's about power and control. There are so many words people throw around today, misusing and abusing. I won't let rape be one of them.

I realize a lot of people don't like that Trump is president. He wasn't my first choice either but his election is nothing like rape!

You owe every woman who's ever been raped an apology!

Sincerely,

A Rape Survivor

Comment on Disqus

Comment on Facebook

Updated Aug 12, 2017 12:01 PM EDT | More details

AND Magazine AND MAGAZINE

©2017 AND Magazine, LLC
5 Columbus Circle, 8th Floor
New York, New York 10019 USA

This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without express written permission from AND Magazine corporate offices. All rights reserved.