what if they're right?

| ,

What if the Tea Party and their crazy theories are true?

It's 3:00 AM, we're sleeping at our house. The door gets busted down, my family and I wake up. We know. it's Obama's Storm troopers. They're here to kill Grandma. We tell them our grandma isn't here, but the officer with the "O" armband notices a Bengay bottle on the floor, a walker in the corner and as he describes it as a distinct "old person smell." They begin searching the place, tearing walls down, grabbing priceless family jewels and sentimental items that were passed down for generations. While some of these items have value, they have a deep personal value, but the government won't care. These will be immediately used to pay off debts to China, Saudi Arabia, and poor people. Lazy poor people to be specific.

Apparently, I'm a month late on my healthcare bill. My brother didn't pay his, he's been whisked away to prison. Serving 20 years. They warn me if I don't pay up I'll end up like him. I'm not allowed to see him in prison because I refuse to "Heil Obama!" to the guards to gain entrance to the facility. That, and I don't bow down before Allah, the new State Religion. The United States of Arabica.

He, King Obama, the Great. He's turned it everything into a wasteland. The innovative people are kept in cages, forced to come up with great ideas but given nothing in return except for food pellets that come out of a dispenser. The now White House Mosque (formerly just the White House) is no longer open to tours unless you're Muslim or gay. Or the now popular hyprid Guslim faith.

Kenya is now the 51st state, yet the rest of the states have no voting power, being that, according to King Obama they are just states and Kenya was recently a country thus outnumbering all state power. He of course is now King of Kenya, and thus America. We have elections but they're always rigged. You can only vote for "Obama" or for Obama with Enthusiasm." It's rare to hear back from those that check the first option on the ballot, so we all vote for him with fearful enthusiasm. Some have the audacity to write in another name, but those people are executed publicly and broadcast live on the only two remaining channels, PBS and CSPAN. At least I do have to admit they have become more interesting channels to watch than they used to be.

Sweets have been outlawed, and vegetable mush is required. It's a disgusting Green puree, kind of like Odwalla Superfood but with mind-controlling drugs. Michelle Obama has made sure that no one, anywhere can have a single cookie or morsel of happiness in what was once a land of plenty. This week is special because China is stopping in to see how things are progressing as work extra fast to meet a deadline for "China Rich Super Girl Barbie." In terms of grammar, or logic, the title of that toy makes no sense, but not a soul would dare criticize it. The Chinese are the only ones these days King Obama even seems to bow down to. The United States Toy Corporation. All companies, are United States owned and operated, and look, smell, and feel like the DMV. Roads are paved, schools are great, but only foreigners and poor lazy people have access to them. Only those that don't pose a threat to "The Great Spreading of Wealth" as King Obama puts it. Those that have babies out of wedlock are awarded wondrous homes and opportunities, vacations, and indentured servants. Married Couples, especially straight couples are assigned factory jobs, and tedious infrastructure projects. They are frequently looked down upon as being so backwards for loving traditional marriage. Gays are given better jobs for "moving forward" as Obama puts it. Many will fake gay marriages, just for the better work but if caught are punished severely in ways I can't even write in this article. The poor and the gays tend to have indentured servants, mostly made up of former Fox News employees, conservative bloggers, and those that opposed him prior to the Takeover of 2016. It feels like such a short time ago, I reminisce of the days where Bush and American Values were the rule of the land. A time where we could frolic free in the open fields of liberty. Go where we wanted to go, do what we wanted to do.

As I think of this I watch in horror as the officer finds Grandma. They take her away, a tear streams down my face and I wave goodbye. I'm too choked up to say anything. Why, oh God why did I ever vote Liberal?!??!


Okay I'm back to reality... Sad part is that I'm sure Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Michelle Bachmann and the the particularly brilliant Sarah Palin actually wake up at night with cold sweats and throbbing headaches worrying about that very scenario, or something very similar. Worse yet so do millions of Americans following these buffoons.

Comment on Facebook

Updated Jan 2, 2019 12:29 PM EST | More details


©2019 AND Magazine

This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without express written permission from AND Magazine corporate offices. All rights reserved.