men in white:by gop films

Newt Gingrich, Willard Romney, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul are candidates for the 2012 Republican Party presidential nomination. | Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, Romney,

Saving the Earth FOR the Worst Scum of the Universe

I can see the poster now, slickly done, no expense having been spared by the Executive Producers, those Koch Bros. (wannabe Warner Bros.?); a cast of 'B' movie actors suddenly assembled, presented for our perusal as candidates for the ultimate award ceremony: Inauguration 2012.

Yes, it's sure to be a blockbuster thriller drama cartoon----a winner in all categories.
'Men In White', a conservative send up of that seminal film, 'Men In Black', it having stunningly built upon the long-held belief by many that there is a coterie which is, although known to those in high authority, above them and their laws.

'Men In Black', yes, the less dark incarnation of an old graphic 'comic' work rooted in paranoia. Which brings us to the subject of this offering. Like their titular opposites, these particular characters thrive upon paranoid theses concerning 'aliens'. And, like the unsuspecting civilians of the 'MIB's earthly populace, think they've got a 'good bead on things.' Similarly, many of these honorary agents are persons of extreme interest to certain neutral authorities owing to their bizarre systems of belief, qualifying them in those neutral circles for assignment to that old military code's Section 8. Indeed, outside of Halloween costumes, the only suit they'll ever wear consists in white sheeting, complete with matching hoods (the latter garment accessory ironically similar to those worn by certain 'aliens' they condemn). Finally, unarmed by exotic weaponry as their 'MIB' counterparts are known to bear, a flame-thrower remarkably similar to a cross (in honor of their own version of Agent J) precedes them and their handiwork.

So, after the fashion of 'MIB' Agents J, K and Zed, let's inventory these elect members of this collection of would-be guardians of our globe, donning their new identities, in no particular order:

  1. Agent R, aka, Willard Romney: mighty the energetic electron, able to maintain two different positions at the same time;
  2. Agent P, aka Ron Paul: able to author exposes of 'undesirables' without so much as a pen or aware mind;
  3. Agent S, aka Rick Santorum: able to consign all that is different from a simple 'norm' to a sanitarium, his very namesake;
  4. Agent G, aka Newt Gingrich: this master of alchemical wizardry is able to change base fecal remnants of the bull into Tiffany-quality gold;
  5. Agent B, aka Michelle Bachmann: able to spot real men from the 'boys in any band', and from anywhere in the very space where she reigns as top cadet.
  6. Agent P, aka Rick Perry: able, spell pretty gud, so they put him in charge of those Texas-sized marquee posters.

There, then, they are, 'keeping the world safe FOR the worst scum of the universe' (oops, looks like Agent P forgot his 'p's & q's', shoulda ben spelt 'FROM') Sorry.

To quote John Travolta, from these Agents' favorite film, 'Swordfish': 'Misdirection, Stanley, misdirection.'

Enjoy the movie, rated 'R' for............(Republican, or your thought here).

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Updated Jan 2, 2019 12:29 PM EST | More details


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