Crimea Riven

Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, born October 7, 1952, is a Russian politician who has been the President of Russia since 7 May 2012. Putin previously served as President from 2000 to 2008, and as Prime Minister of Russia from 1999 to 2000 and again from 2008 to 2012. | Photo: | Vladimir Putin, Russia, President, Dictator,

It's Vlad the Annexer, Out for Blood?

Vlad the Impaler--that original blood sucker of Bram Stoker infamy--lives, after all.

This should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with vampire lore. And this particular Vladimir has an appearance far enough from Transylvania so as to have gotten the attention of that Western outpost of Hollywood East, Washington.

While distinct from reincarnation per se (such creatures do reputedly live indefinitely, after all), this particular revivification, so to say, bears striking similarities to Vlad's last manifestation; let's compare and contrast the two Vlads:

  • Vlad the Impaler and the muslim invaders of 1459: " 1459, Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II sent envoys to Vlad to urge him to pay a delayed tribute....and 500 recruits into the Ottoman forces. Vlad refused, because if he had paid the 'tribute', as the tax would have meant a public acceptance of Wallachia as part of the Ottoman Empire....Vlad had the Turkish envoys killed on the pretext that they had refused to raise their 'hats' to him, by nailing their turbans to their heads." [Wikipedia}
  • Vlad the Annexer and the old and current Tatars: "...the defeat of the Ottomans by Russians, Crimea became independent and the Ottomans renounced their political right to protect the Crimean Khanate....Russia violated the treaty and annexed the Crimean Khanate in 1783. After the annexation, many Crimean Tatars were massacred and exiled into Siberia and under pressure of Slavic colonization...the Tsarist deliberate policy of annihilating Crimean Tatar existence in Crimea...."

Enough said about pure historicity of this exercise; now, let's survey the journalism as entertainment complex's implications:

  1. Vlad the Impaler: Tourism's fall off notwithstanding, this bloody fellow virtually created an entire genre for film and literature, bleeding over into the most ironic of manifestations--kiddie breakfast cereals like Count Chocola and PBS's own 'Sesame Street', i.e., The Count, ha, ha, ha...
  2. Vlad the Annexer: not to be outdone by his forbear's antics, after several decades nap, this Vlad awakened to his nationalistic birthright claim to Crimea--simply given away by bad Nikita of 'we will bury you' fame--enlivened by the stylisitc song styling of American Arthur Hamilton, the American anthem of betrayal; this remade Cyrillic lyricized tune, 'Cry Me A River':

"Now you say you're sovereign
You cry it the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
Vlad cried 'You're riven!' louder, too

Now you say you're not sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can try me, you're riven

You drove me, nearly drove me out of my stead
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember, all that you said
You told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now, you say you respect me
Well just to prove that you do
Come on and Crimea riven
Cause I claim control over you!"

So, then, what's the potential fallout of this blood scenario?

  1. It sucks, and more than just the lifeblood of Ukraine; after all, this is the very territory of Chernobyl (see: 'Hamlet', & wormwood, biblically) and it's beginning to smell of rotten, right, and it's too far from Denmark. Let's pray it won't turn out to be irradiated flesh--even Vlad the Impaler might pass on that outcome.
  2. NATO had best have more than a large cross-shaped stick while it speaks softly and hope that their swords are held firmly point down, hilt up, so as to ward off any further sucking...of territory.

Stay tuned, especially if you believe that love is all we need, as it may just prove 'too plebeian' to the dictates of Vlad the Annexer.

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Updated Jan 2, 2019 12:28 PM EST | More details


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